Wouldn’t it be rather boring if all there is to a woman is being with a man? Wouldn’t it have been a colossal waste if women were only created for men? Yet, these few days what I have come to realize is rather mind boggling. My findings have rather been disturbing than appealing. In my study of the women in my life, I mean those I consider close to me (including my ex-girlfriend), I suddenly discovered a shocking reality; all of a woman’s life seems to revolve around a man or men!
I know you are probably saying “so what’s the big deal?” Well, the thing is this; what role is a man in a woman’s life? Is he “part” of her life or “the whole” of her life? It would surprise you to know that most ladies or women have the mindset that a man or men are not “part” but rather the “whole” of their life! Believe me; I was equally astonished by this reality. Naturally, they wouldn’t admit this plainly as I have just put it, but then their every action and reaction point to this rather troubling reality.
I mean, how else would one qualify this? If two out of every three women consider being with a man or getting married as the number one focus, priority and goal of their life? Here is what I mean. I asked my ex-girl to write out her 5-year goal and here is what it looked like;
§ Get admitted into school to study pharmacy
§ Get married and pregnant with first child
§ Own a duplex of her own
§ Get employed in a better company in order to earn more
Out of mere curiosity, I asked her to tell me which one of the goals from the list was more paramount, exciting, inspiring and motivated her the most. Well, I am sure you most have guessed her answer; getting married! Or in her words, “knowing who or the man she’s going to end up with.” Somehow, I wasn’t too surprised knowing how much she loved me and wanted us to be together, hopefully, forever; it was only natural for her to pick that as her main priority for the next five years.
But then, the surprise came when I showed it to another woman, this time, a married woman with three kids. I asked her the same question and got the same answer! While some may say this happened by accident (coincidence) or that it’s their nature (providence), I say it’s a matter of misplaced priority (nonsense). I don’t get it, how can the centre, main agenda, central focus of a woman’s life be a man? Pardon me if I a may sound naïve, but is being with a man all there is to a woman? Are women created only to end up as men’s property? Do women exist for the purpose of men? Were they solely created by God just for the sake of men? Isn’t there more to a woman’s life apart from ending up with a man?
Ladies, I have news for you. You may be wondering why this is coming from a man, shouldn’t I be supporting the motion rather than opposing it? My answer is a resounding NO! Women, like all of God’s creatures were created for much more greater purpose than merely being a man’s companion! God did create women to be marriageable, but never did he make it the sole aim of their existence. There is more to being a woman than just being with a man. As clearly as a woman looks differently from a man, so also is her destiny different and much bigger than just being with a man. You ladies have as much rights as a man to pursue your destiny. With respect to the fact that a man truly is a woman’s head; being the head is not quite the same as being the “whole” of her life. Your role as the head is to be her leader, and not her owner. You are to help her become better than what she was before she met you. You are to develop, nurture, aid and empower her and not to hinder, possess and frustrate her dreams. As long as such dream doesn’t obstruct her role as a wife and mother to your kids, I see no reason why a man shouldn’t be in support of a woman’s dream and destiny.
Women, being married or being with a man is not all there is to your life! You have a much bigger role to play in the universe than just living with a man you call your husband or partner. Don’t make marriage the end of your life, is just a part of your earthly responsibilities and obligations to God your creator as he has commanded us to be fruitful and replenish the earth and to be joined in holy matrimony with a man. It’s not an end in itself; it’s a means unto a greater end; one which both of you; the man and the woman must continually work towards.
Yes, I agree that women often focus too much on getting married and having a family. Many, at least in America, constantly focus on a guy rescuing her from her present life and giving her a whole new wonderful life filled with bliss, just like in Cinderella when the prince rescued Cinderella from her chores, or the prince who rescued the Little Mermaid from her unhappy life under the sea. This rarely happens and many woman find that, after the wedding, the reality is marriage is work and there is no, “they lived happily ever after” without her putting her effort in the marriage.
However, at the same time, the reason many women find they are unhappy in marriage is because they do not see what a privilege it is to be married. They are more focused on what they can get out of the marriage rather than what they can give. If women would shift their focus in marriage to giving rather than receiving, they would find true happiness in their marriage. They can be happy because they see that the effort they are putting into the marriage is paying off and all they are giving will help the man to reach his vision. Through the man, the woman is able to make a difference in the world. And, by the woman giving to the man, she also makes a difference in the man and that helps him to be a more confident and secure man. The woman humbly acknowledges her effect on the man and is sure of her self because of the confidence she has placed in her man.
Although, this means that it is better for a woman to realize her role before marriage; that the man she is marrying will be the one she will be giving to the rest of her life. A woman needs to ask herself before the wedding day, “Am I ready to give to this man or am I more concerned about what I can get from him? If this man never does anything to make me happy, will I still be willing to give to him? Am I willing to give of myself in this marriage in order to help this man achieve his vision, or I will I have a problem supporting him?” It’s only in answering these questions that a woman can determine what her real purpose for marriage is and whether or not she will be happy in the marriage. A woman will only be happy in the marriage if she is willing to give.
Comment by Amanda G. — July 1, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
well said Amanda dear, thanx very much for this brilliant insight. In a way it kind of completed the article, and i feel most grateful for having your comment.
Comment by T.J. Philips — July 1, 2008 @ 8:26 pm
Poorly done, Philips. As the feminists do, you stress what should be. You mingle the sex differences as if they interchangeable. It confuses where domestic harmony comes from and justifies dodging personal responsibility husband for wife.
Well done, Amanda. You nailed it.
God designed, Nature endows, and hormones condition females to be givers of attention, affection, and love. They generate intimates for this purpose and provide ‘heart-leadership’ to balance the ‘mind-leadership’ of their man. It’s much more natural than what ’should be’. It’s much more consistent with sex differences that enable compatibility, and gratitude in one’s heart that’s so essential for happiness. Much more at http://wwnh.wordpress.com.
Comment by A.GuyMaligned — November 16, 2008 @ 1:53 pm